and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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