so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
