i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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