How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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