you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
