I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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