If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
