hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
