he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
