margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
