oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
