I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The feeling are messing with the penis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
