True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
