Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sext me about skeletons
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
