Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
