he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
