Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
