Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was confusing and full of hummus
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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