We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
