If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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