They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
