I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
