I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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