i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
