Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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