i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
