:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
