chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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