This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
