If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
