One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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