A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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