Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
