she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
