how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
