For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
