Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
