I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
