so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
