Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
