You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
