she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
