You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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