thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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