So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
