Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Actions speak louder than pants.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
