I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
