bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
