Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
