Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
